Child Dies After Parents Bought Fake EpiPen from China To Save Money

(EpiPen)
(EpiPen)

The Thompson family is mourning the loss of their 8-year-old son after a counterfeit EpiPen failed to work during Liam’s allergic reaction at a friends house. His parents always made him carry the EpiPen and his friend’s mother, a former nurse, administered the pen correctly. After she had realized it was not working, the mother drove Liam to the hospital, but he died in route.

Hillary Clinton: “I Have Climacteric Syndrome”

JStone / Shutterstock.com
JStone / Shutterstock.com

After 280 days, the Clinton campaign gave a small press conference where the presidential nominee admitted she suffers from Climacteric Syndrome. “Millions of women are affected by this disease. There is no cure but can be maintained. That;s just a part of life,” Clinton said. “It will in no way affect my job as president.”  

Ryan Lochte Scores Sponsorship Deal With United Airlines

ryan lotche 2After several sponsors dropped the American swimmer, Ryan Lochte has scored a new deal to promote United Airlines. They are using the slogan: “Give Us A 5th Chance.” The deal is over 4 years through the 2020 Olympics in Japan and is worth $25 million.

US Swimmer Ryan Lochte Mugged in Beverly Hills; Larry David a Witness

ryan lotche 2Los Angeles, CA – In a bizarre sequence of events, American swimmer Ryan Lochte was mugged in Beverly Hills, California with comedian Larry David as a witness. After shopping for an expensive watch, Lochte was robbed exiting the store. Lochte also told police his Olympic gold medal was stolen in the process.

Trump: “Cops Have Shot Our Fastest Runners In The Back”

Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com
Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com

Usain Bolt, a Jamaican, continues to dominate the Rio Olympics. The American Olympic Committee said “most of our fastest men track runners have been shot in the back by police over the past 12 years to be truly competitive. They just happen to be black.”

Paul Manafort Moves To Moscow

manafort putinFormer Trump campaign manager resigned from the group and has moved to Moscow, Russia. Manafort already had ties to pro-Russian forces in Ukraine. Putin invited him to join his administration as a consultant to which Manafort said, “Screw this, I’m out of here.”

Trump: “I Will Triple The Number Of Private Prisons”

trump prison 1Republican nominee Donald Trump announced a new plan to triple the number the private prisons. “They will save the taxpayers money, create jobs, and lock up more prisoners,” said Trump. “Very simple. It’s our safety at stake here. Who doesn’t want to be more safe at a lower cost and create lots of jobs?”

Trump says: “Insert Crazy Statement Here”

Trump scientogist 2After Donald Trump had stayed on message for more than 10 minutes, the Republican presidential candidate went off the prompter and said, “Insert crazy statement here.” The statement is highly controversial as people make the comment to mean different things. It is also being called racist, sexist, and potentially dangerous.

Michael Phelps Beats Up 3 Muggers In Rio

Mitch Gunn / Shutterstock.com
Mitch Gunn / Shutterstock.com

The most celebrated Olympian of all time beat up three muggers at gunpoint in Rio. The swimmer was able to disarm one of the assailants while defending himself against the other two muggers, including knocking one of them out. Phelps then sat on three bodies until police came and arrested the three muggers.

Trump: “I Won A Couple Olympic Gold Medals in 1973”

HannityTrumpDonald Trump spoke to Fox News host Sean Hannity today. In the interview, the GOP nominee claimed he “won a couple Olympic Gold Medals in 1973, I think.”  Hannity smiled and asked, “Really?” Trump, without hesitation, replied, “Yes. In shotput and swimming, I think. The Olympics were different back then. You could easily do two non-related sports, or at least I did.”  

4 Ways Obama Obviously Started ISIS

obama signing billTrump said, “Obama started ISIS.” And here are 4 obvious reasons why.

Father of Orlando Nightclub Shooter Checks Into Mental Hospital

marteen father 2Two days after Seddique Mir Mateen attended a Hillary Clinton event, he was checked into a mental medical facility outside Orlando, Florida. His family said they have been talking him into seeking mental help for several years. The 65-year-old man claimed to be the unofficial president of Pakistan and several other delusions. Trump said, “I bet the Clinton’s had something to do with this. They had to shut him up and killing him would be too obvious. So, they locked him with some mental reason.”

Russian Swimmer Yulia Efimova Tests Positive For Doping After Race

Russian swimmerRussian swimmer Yulia Efimova failed her post-swim drug test for meldonium, a common Russian drug until the International Doping Agency banned the substance last year. Efimova, 24, previously served a 16-month suspension for doping and earlier this year failed a test for meldonium, but the recent suspension was overturned.

‘Trump’s Militia’ To Follow Around Clinton’s Campaign to “Keep That Woman In Her Place”

donaldtrump1Organizer Buck Jones said he formed ‘Trump’s Militia’ to follow Clinton’s campaign around the country. He calls it “The Hunt of Corruption. Jones started the group after Donald Trump said, “The Second Amendment people could stop her,” referring to Clinton picking liberal Supreme Court judges. “We’ll keep that woman in her place,” said Jones. “It’s not in a sexist way; it’s just the way of the Bible.”

Palin: “Hillary Abused Her Servers. That’s No Way To Treat People”

Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com
Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com

Former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin became confused on what the term ‘servers’ means. In Palin’s comments, she thought ‘servers’ were people that help out, like maids and butlers. The whole investigation into Hillary Clinton revolved around ‘servers,’ the kind of electronic equipment used to store data and connect to the internet.

Facebook Live To Stream Eminem vs Drake Rap Battle

(Drake and Emimem at the Grammys)
(Drake and Eminem at the Grammys)

In a proportional effort by Facebook to promote ‘Facebook Live,’ a live streaming Facebook feature, Facebook will live stream a rap battle between Eminem and Drake. Each participant will reportedly receive $4 million in compensation. The battle will air live, 8 pm e/ct Thursday only on Facebook.

All Rio Olympics Swimming Medals Stolen Prior To The Event Starting

olympic medalsBefore the swimming events could even start their watches, all the Olympic Medals were stolen from a secure safe with two levels of security guards. The Olympic committee are investigating the thefts and have several suspects.

If You’re A Trump Supporter, You Are A Fucking Idiot

(Idiot Trump Fans)
(Idiot Trump Fans)

The End.

Mick Foley Survives 12,000 Foot Skydive Crash After Barn Breaks Fall During Filming of Reality Show

mick foley 33During the filming of WWE reality show ‘Holy Foley’ the family goes skydiving in the season finally. Mick Foley’s parachute failed to open and crashed through an old wood barn. Miraculously, the former extreme professional wrestler was able to walk away from the crash without being broken in half.

Obama Signs Executive Order Declaring Trump Campaign A Cult

obama signing bill“It’s gone too far, folks,” said Obama. “Enough is enough. That is why today I’m asking FBI Director James Comey to declare Trump’s presidential campaign a cult and will give it cult status in the eyes of the law.”

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