Los Angeles Tap Water Contains 12% Xanax and 4% OxyCodone

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tap_waterNew Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) findings determined that average Los Angeles tap water contains 12% Xanax and 4% oxycodone.

Xanax, the anxiety medication, and oxycodone, the pain relief pill, were found in the highest concentration rates around Brentwood, West Hollywood, and Beverly Hills.

We spoke to a scientist to help explain this phenomenon. Eric Bundy of Hollywood Hospital said, “People dispose of these medications down the drain and since we are in a drought, much of our water is recycled and cleaned. However, many of these chemicals remain in the water after the filtration process.”

Angelinos were not shocked by the findings but did elaborate on the EPA’s findings. Local LA resident Paul White told the LA Times, “The 80s were more fun when the tap water was mostly speed. It was all uppers all the time; it was great. Now it’s all downers and it’s not as much fun in my opinion.”

 

Others enjoyed the water. “I’m glad to drink eight glasses a day. I don’t know who’s dumping their drugs down the drain but keep up the great work,” said Nathaniel Roberts.

To help explain who and why the drugs get flushed down the toilet, our scientist said, “Well, we see people dump their stash before they go to rehab. Parents might also find their kids’ drugs and keep or dump them. Drunk housewives tend to accidentally drop stuff in the toilet, so there’s that.”

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  • BeachN

    Thats a good one. Wonder just how many people believe this is reality ? lol

    • psychosally

      it explains why they keep electing dipsh/t politicians

      • Paul Bird

        lke Boxer, Feinstein & Pelosi?

    • Ryan Earl

      It is a reality with fluoridation among other chemicals. Just to give you some perspective on that, 90% of Prozac is sodium fluoride. Also, 80% of US rivers are polluted with estrogen(mainly from the Dairy industry); could that explain the excessive feminization of our youth in today’s age? –I mean, we have found that male fish were turning into females in those rivers. –Could the estrogen be having a similar effect on humans? –I know that some men will take estrogen pills to grow boobs, so –just a theory..

      • Thomas Mitchell

        That is certainly something that a late night of pondering would embellish

  • Lisa Marmora

    And that should explain all the issues with the Celebrities LOL.. they are stoned out of their minds…getting more intake than they thought… just sayin’

  • 136lin

    No wonder California is known as the land of fruit and nuts, everybody is high!

  • Thoughtcriminal

    A concentration that high would kill you.

  • Emily

    the website is almost named satire…. ffs people please use that brain you are so privileged to have. Scroll just a little more and: ABOUT US
    Satirical and futuristic news.

    -.-‘……

  • mrmars72

    If this were true, the entire population of souther California would be in a coma.

    • David Fawcett

      They aren’t? Could have fooled me. LOL

    • bfreesun

      How would you tell

    • Buddys Discounts

      You just NOW noticed?

    • Thomas Mitchell

      They all drink bottled water, power drinks, soda, beer.

  • cool.now i can lower my xanax dose.

  • The Batman

    Lindsay Lohan must be flushing her stash before her PO comes by.

  • laura

    drunk housewives???

  • stangmfl

    Oh ,has anyone heard the word chemistry…not eVen going to organic. These buzz terms and names will draw attn. o a story legit or farce!!

    • kenthefitter

      Farce.

    • Barry Bunes

      I have heard of chemistry that is why I made the comment

  • La Résistance

    I drink 7 glasses of water a day, and one glass of Xanax and half a cup of Oxycodone, I’m doing okay

  • dmcd

    That’s the lamest explanation I have ever heard.

  • Barry Bunes

    I am pretty skeptical about that 12% figure. If it was 12% xanax or whatever you would see solids floating in suspension. What I think they meaning is 12% of what water at that given temperature could hold. Which is probably abut 1 or 2 milligrams per liter

    • kenthefitter

      Quit harshing my mellow, Dude.

  • Johhny “the rat”

    I might have used prescription Oxy, and Xanax….this is great silly stuff.

  • Ronald Allen Hudson

    Just another grown up fairy tale from California. If it isn’t one thing it’s another.

  • Michelle Sarabia

    And suddenly, all of Los Angeles is filled with very sad, very hydrated people.

  • Dr.Reuven Rosenberg
  • Ms. Faydra Searle

    I just need one glass man, One glass. lol

  • -=_CryptArchGurl_=-

    If that were the case everyone up there would be in an AMAZING mood lmao

  • Ivan Willis

    NO wonder they vote like they do.

  • Bluthar

    such crap

  • Anthony Chillz Skinner

    lol

  • Suezsangus@hotmail

    I can’t believe I know someone who actually believed this !! 😂😂😂

  • William Daniel Atkins

    Well if they will put fluoride in it why not drugs

  • Deborah Ross

    It’s the government keeping the liberals under control.

    • Kent Jenkins

      More like the Liberals keeping the Government under control

  • Farley Malorrus

    Is this a bunch of Bullshit? Why would someone send this to me like it’s real? Give me a break.

  • Thomas

    Well – and then there is all those people taking those drugs who all PEE. Those drugs all come out the other end, same for antibiotics

  • David Earl

    La la, la l laa…

  • balconesfalk

    Could it possibly be that the drugs ingested are spilling through the body and some come out in the urine, and then into the water supply when toilets are flushed with tainted urine?

  • Seth Topper

    Its all Drunk housewives.

  • teekay51

    Too bad it isn’t true. It would have offered a plausible explanation for the dazed and confused Californians that I know.

  • Phyllistein King

    So they are recycling the urine and serving it back to the people. It must be contained. They are so low down. They are taking the clean water and selling it and we are paying for dirty, contaminated water for usage. I guess we will get tired of this Government that is running this country eventually.

  • The Honest One.

    Those drugs are coming out of people buttholes. Nobody is dumping bottles down the toilet. Those are not the only drugs found either. Lots of psych meds are found also. Enjoy drinking that schitty tap water.

  • izraulhidashi

    Wow..Oxycodone is pretty expensive. Oh wait, I forgot about the mysterious flood coming into the country since the war started. I wonder if that has anything to do with why were guarding Afghans poppy crops? .. Nah.. probably just coincidence. :/