Washington D.C. – In a 316-31 vote, the House voted to repeal Martin Luther King Jr. Day at 1:35 am when many Democrats weren’t aware of the vote. Republicans celebrated after the vote with stiff drinks and cigars.
“The man wasn’t even a president,” said Wisconsin House Rep. Paul Ryan. “And he was mostly a liberal hype. He was created by the media to fight the fake problem of racism in America. America isn’t racist and we certainly don’t need a day to pretend we were racist. Is that what we want to teach our children? Or should we teach them the truth about how America has always been the land of opportunity for everyone? I mean, what’s next, some holiday celebrating a woman? When does it end? Well, it ends with this Congress.”
Republicans might want to replace the federal holiday because it saves the government $400 million dollars each year. “I would love to see a Ronald Reagan Day, said the House Speaker. “He was a president, he started our beautiful war on drugs, and he single handling defeated communism before Obama tried to revive it.
“Heck, maybe a Trump Day would be fun.”
Many conservatives still think MLK was a terrorist, bent on destroying white children by using rap music and sagging pants. But that’s a story for another day.