Steve Bannon Enters Rehab For Substance Abuse

Steve Bannon, head of the news website Breitbart News, was named to the new position of campaign chief executive officer. Bannon, a conservative flamethrower was referred to by ousted Corey Lewandowski as "a street fighter" like himself. The campaign statement announcing the changes touted a Bloomberg Politics article that branded Bannon "the most dangerous political operative in America." REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

A nose the color of Rudolph the reindeer could have been a big hint, but decades of heavy drinking has finally caught up with Trump’s closest advisor and the second most powerful in American politics.

The news shocked Capital Hill with the announcement that Bannon will enter a 30-day rehabilitation center in Malibu, Ca for alcohol and prescription drugs. Trump blames the poorly thought out Muslim ban and two other secret executive orders on Bannon’s addiction.

The nation was relieved to know that the man was pretty fucked up and can only get better from here.

Trump said, “Stevey will back under me in 30 days, maybe even less. And he’ll be ready to make America Great Again!”