Trump Claims Victory In Castro’s Death: “I Did It!”

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“Nobody could kill that guy but I did,” said Trump. “It was the easiest thing ever.”

Trump Suing Media Outlets Over This ‘Double Chin’ Picture

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trump hayes this picture
(Trump’s most hated picture)

So far, CNN, MSNBC, and CBS have been sued but now Trump is threatening blogs from the Huffington Post to The Onion.

Wisconsin Trump Voter Shoots Liberal Nephew After Thanksgiving Dinner

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wausau trump voter shoots nephew
(Wausau, WI Thanksgiving Shooting)

Wausau, Wisconsin – A Thanksgiving Day dinner turned deadly after a political argument ended with a 23-year-old graduate student being shot in the chest by his 62-year-old uncle.

32% of Americans Think Trump is Already President

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trump supportersWhile the Trump presidency doesn’t start until January 21st, a staggering 32% of Americans think he’s already president.

Bears QB Jay Cutler Plays Golf In Los Angeles Day After Tearing Arm Labrum

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jay cutler playing golf
(Bears QB Playing Golf In the LA Sunshine)

Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler was seen playing golf in Los Angeles the day after team doctors said he had a torn labrum in his throwing arm. He flew out to his West Hollywood home on a private jet with his wife and kids.

Trump Foundation Owns 27 ‘Alt-Right’ Fake News Websites

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heil trump“They let that little clown Bezos own the Washington Post and all he does is post nasty, really nasty, and not true stuff about me,” said Trump. “Websites are better anyway. What idiot buys a newspaper company that prints on paper? Stupid and dumb.”

Trump Denies There Ever Was A Trump University With 4 am Tweet

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trump university
The Greatest University

“Total lie. There was never a Trump University,” said Trump. “Liberal media lies. Apologize!!” 

Jay-Z Associate Seen At Kanye West’s Hotel Before Paramedics Arrived

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jay-z associate A known Jay-Z associate was seen speeding away from Kanye West’s hotel prior to paramedics arriving. Kanye was taken to the local hospital.

Monsanto Ran Over By Angry Farmer

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monsanto Des Moines, Iowa – An angry farmer in a tracker ran over Tom Monsanto Sunday afternoon during a drunken rage after receiving his annual seed bill.

Current List Of Celebrities Waiting Canadian Citizenship

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hollywood sign
(Hollyhood)

The following celebrities are currently waiting for Canadian citizenship. The process can take several years.  

It’s a long line, even for celebrities, to gain lawful citizenship.

Kanye Has Epic Concert Meltdown The Second Night In A Row

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(Kanye Has Had Enough of Phonies)
(Kanye Has Had Enough of Phonies)

Kanye West showed up two hours late Saturday night to his concert in Sacremento, then proceeded to play two of the same songs, then went on a 15-minute rant about Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Black Friday Deals: Walmart Selling 72 inch 4k TVs For $199

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black friday deals at walmart
(Walmart Black Friday)

This might be the greatest Black Friday sale of all time, a 72 inch 4k television for only $199.00. The sale begins Friday at most Walmarts countrywide.

Trump Brags About Winning Trump University Lawsuit

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trump university
The Greatest University

After a $25 million settlement with Trump University and the plaintiffs, Trump took to social media to brag about winning the lawsuit. “I made a lot of money,” said Trump. “I won, like always.”

Trump Names Caitlyn Jenner US Fitness Education Advisor

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caitlyn jenner and trump
(ESPYS)

President-elect Donald trump has named Caitlyn Jenner to be the US Fitness Education Advisor. The staunch Trump supporter is honored to receive the leadership role. “This is pretty cool,” said Jenner. “Fitness is for everyone and I represent everyone.”

Washington DC Swamp Now Toxic

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draining a toxic swamp
(Toxic Swamp)

“The only thing worse than a swamp is a fucking toxic swamp.” – Ben Franklin  

Washington DC Swamp Now Toxic As Fuck

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draining a toxic swamp
(Toxic Swamp)

“The only thing worse than a swamp is a fucking toxic swamp.” – Ben Franklin  

College Professor Names Fake News Website Names: “He Named Names”

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fake news
(Elaine name names)

College professor named names Tuesday. With the presidential election over, blame is being circulated with ‘fake news’ the scapegoat of the current news cycle.

Hillary Breaks Putin’s Nose In Heated Altercation

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hillary clinton fights putin
(Hillary fights Putin)

During an energy summit in Davos, Switzerland, former Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Rodham Clinton broke Russian President Vladimir Putin’s nose after a heated argument. Putin got up into Clinton’s face, they are the same height, when Putin made a snarky remark. That’s when Clinton lost her cool and punched Putin right in the nose.

Trump’s New ‘I Won’ Hats Made In China

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donald trump
Trump not concerned

Even after several mayors in rural Pennsylvania offered huge tax cuts to bring the manufacturing of the hats to their area, Trump decided China was still better.

Pence’s Top Priority Is Passing Gay Conversion Therapy Law

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gay conversion therapy
(Pence promotes gay conversion therapy)

“To save America we must save Americans from themselves,” said newly transition president Mike Pence. “I know that feeling that millions of Americans have gone through and there is a solution.”