Sources revealed today the strategy used by Donald Trump to determine who he will insult on any given day: a customized Wheel of Fortune. Recently dismissed Trump staffer, Derrick Grey confirmed the story.
“At first it was a bit of a joke,” explained Mr. Grey. “Mr. Trump had already insulted Mexicans and Senator John McCain, and we all wondered where this was going and how many more weeks we would all have jobs, but every terrible comment and lie just seemed to bolster his lead. One of the senior staffers found an old Taj Casino Wheel of Fortune, you know the kind that they use to give away cars and trips and stuff, sitting in a warehouse in Atlantic City and thought it would be fun to just start putting random people and groups on the wheel and give it a spin every morning. A team-building thing.
“Some of them were pretty low hanging fruit, like women and Rosie O’Donnell. But then it started to cross the line… refugees, the disabled, Muslims. Then when Mr. Trump saw is at a staff meeting we were off to the races. Every time that he started to perceive a dip in the polls, he would give the old wheel a spin, and there was his target du jour. Even better, there are 52 slots on the wheel. The possibilities seemed endless. Let’s face it, Mr. Trump’s base pretty much hates everyone and everything. We started to worry that we would need another wheel.”
Mr. Grey was asked if he was concerned about his looming unemployment, but he remained upbeat. “I can always go back to selling Trump timeshares in Cancun.”