Ben Carson: “Aliens First Abducted Me When I Was 12”

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In another revelation about Republican hopeful Ben Carson’s past, the neurosurgeon told a group of donors he had been repeatedly abducted by aliens since childhood.

“All the probing is what made me interested in medicine,” said Carson. “The aliens knew so much about our species. It only made sense for me to want to understand more. It’s a curious mind that can solve curious questions.”

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His first abduction came at the age of 12, then again at 22, and the most recent time at age 38. Each time was a different experience for the presidential hopeful. “They were mostly checking up on me after the initial probing. Just like getting your yearly doctor’s check-up, that’s what they were doing to me. They kept very thorough notes.

“Now only if they could do something about my eyes,” Carson joked.

He also had detailed conversations with some of the aliens. “One alien, Bob, or I called him Bob because his alien name was too difficult to pronounce in his natural language, said to me once, ‘Ben, you are an interesting species. We see great potential. You could one day become the fifth race.”

According to Carson, there are the four great races among the stars and we are on the cusp of joining the group to become the fifth.

“If you elect me, you are also getting a president that has these aliens trust and friendship. It could play a pivotal role in human development and it is not something we want to squander.”

Early Abduction Days

After his first abduction, Carson found solace in local abductee meetings in Detroit. He later founded his own UFO support and therapy clinic called Detroit Believers Communal Club.

The club would discuss abduction experiences and their meaning. “The Believers Communal was great to explore what makes us human and where do we go from here. The aliens will ultimately guide us but what they also said is they are the river, but we are the current deciding where to roam within the river banks.”

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  • Hank

    Carson is obviously, nuts.

  • Paula Vigil

    Even though I don’t like Morning Joe’s personality or politics, I am going to quote him…”Oh, sweet Jesus” lol

  • Merrill Anderson

    Story courtesy of Satiras, people. You know……..satire?

  • bonnie

    Satira Tribune

  • Ed Durand

    This can not be true but if it did occur the alien was probably Trump checking out the poor’s schlong

  • Ronald Jones

    That Fifth Race stuff came from Stargate SG1. Has to be a joke.

  • Michelle Connelly

    Rotflmao. Hilarious. Great satire site. This was really funny.

  • John

    Must’ve brought him back to get his 2-cents deposit, like we used to do as kids, with soda bottles….yeah, I’m THAT old…and that AIN’T funny….lol

  • crybabyrepukes

    Funny thing is — if you didn’t know it was satire — that dip shit could possibly have said it.

  • geaaronson

    We hereby sever our relations entirely with Mr. Carson. He has been repeatedly warned not to discuss his ET escapades in our hospitality and he has reneged on his promises. We will henceforth send him on to the fifth dimension as punishment.