The Green Bay Packers, the only NFL team to be a public company, have been selling common stocks in the football club since 1921. In a recent shareholders meeting, it was disclosed that former Chicago Bears coach and player, Mike Ditka, has owned 21,450 shares in the rival team worth $321,750.

After a 72 hour marathon of Shia LaBeouf’s films at Angelika Film Center in New York, the 29 year old actor has decided to refund ticket prices for several of his films he said, “were unwatchable.”

In a secret real estate deal, President Obama purchased a vacation home in Iran. The elegant villa is located an hour outside Tehran, Iran’s capital, and sits on 4 acres with its own water well and electric generator.

Jim and Sarah Morton pulled out their best pair of overalls and jumped in their Buick to attend the third GOP debate in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The woman thought responsible for orchestrating the mass doping of Russia’s athletes was found dead today.

Walmart’s campaign ‘Greenlight A Vet’ asks people to turn their porch lights green in support of veterans for Veterans Day. However, the campaign backfired when the green lights began triggering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in some veterans.

The multi-platinum British band Coldplay has announced that its upcoming album will be its last. When asked for comment at Duffy’s bar, attorney Paul Underwood said,” I just don’t get it. I mean, they are good enough I suppose if you have very low musical expectations, but for some reason all of the women I have dated just love the band, especially Chris Martin.

In response to the pictures released by Deadspin showing the bruises and scars from a domestic violence case involving Dallas Cowboys Greg Hardy and his Caucasian girlfriend Nicole Holder, Hardy told the Dallas Star, “I’m only dating black girls from now on so the bruises don’t show as much. It seems obvious now, the white skin makes the bruises pop out. The dark skin helps hide them. You get me?”

While speaking to a group of middle schoolers in New Hampshire, Republican candidate Ben Carson declared, “Masturbating will make you blind.”

Afghanistan - A 21-year-old Afghan woman was stoned to death for posting a ‘provocative’ picture on Instagram. Afia Hafeez posted a picture showing her neck, arms up to her shoulders, and shorts to her knees. Her village of Akhzarat sentenced her to death and the execution by stoning was carried out by the village.

“I’d like to congratulate the entire state of Kansas on their World Series Championship,” Palin told ESPN. The half-term Alaska Governor said later she thought Kansas City was in Kansas when it’s actually in Missouri.

In revelations made to CNBC, former Secretary of State and Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton admitted, “I couldn’t point to Benghazi on a map. I get on the plane, they fly me somewhere, and I get off the plane.

Just a week after writer / comedian Larry David played Democratic hopeful Bernie Sanders on Saturday Night Live (SNL), Sanders wore a perfect Larry David costume while campaigning in Iowa Halloween night.

Entrepreneur and inventor Elon Musk is developing a real life ‘Stargate.’ A Stargate, made famous by the science fiction feature film and long-running TV series, would allow people and objects to travel through a wormhole to different planets. The circular ring dematerializes matter when entering, travel through the wormhole, and re-materializes when exiting the other side.

Under the name Virtue de Intelegentte, Republican Presidential hopeful Ben Carson operated a psychic telephone hotline during high school and for $3.99 per minute, Carson would tell you your fortune.

In a suburb of Houston, a high school girl was suspended for 5 days following wearing a traditional nurse costume with the stitching of the words Planned Parenthood on the arm patch.

The ‘Green Man Juice’ pill, meant to turn men’s semen green for Halloween, was taken off store shelves after a strange side effect occurred in a significant amount of its consumers. The joke Halloween pill turned some users penis green in addition to the semen, which was a cause for concern.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, under username EaglesSuck17, ranks in the top 50 of money makers playing New York based online sports betting website FanDuel.

Boulder, CO - Tonights Republican debate left the crowd angry with a poor WiFi connection.

In President Obama’s new proposed gun control policy, gun owners will be limited to only 100 guns per person in what as being called the ‘Keeping it 100’ strategy. There is currently no set limit on the number of firearms an American can own. They try to keep them out of the mentaly deranged but it’s difficult.