The popularity of topless maid services in Los Angeles has lead to a dangerous chlamydia outbreak leaving eight dead and 22 critically disabled.
Scientists at the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA), are terrified of the repercussions of the outbreak. “We have never seen a strain of chlamydia like this. It’s more than a super strain; it’s a super-duper strain that is resistant to even the strongest anti-bacterial medicine.”
After eight months of investigating, sexual scientist linked the outbreak to the many topless maid services that have popped up in Los Angeles over the past few years. “Our guess is several struggling actresses from Italy brought the bacterial infection from the home country, and it spread from there.”
The topless maid service, which usually only cost $99 might be just the beginning of the services they may offer. Good boobs aren’t shown for a mere hundred dollars. Bad boobs at a Los Angeles strip club can cost $200.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are investigation the business to see if inappropriate services are being rendered.
LA Health Officials said they haven’t seen anything this bad since the Grinder epidemic of 2013 and advise anyone who has had sexual interaction with anyone in the Los Angeles area to see a health professional to be checked for sexually transmitted diseases. “If left untreated, the super-duper chlamydia strain will kill you. If put on doses of powerful antibiotics, the survival rate increases to 97%.”
People should be tested even if they worse condoms since the bacteria can eat through the latex. “If it can eat through plastic, it can eat through your penis, and that’s not cool.”