Drunk and angry Cubs fans flipped over the Mets bus with the players on it after the Cubs lost 8-3 to end their World Series hopes. The incident occurred at approximately 11:25 pm central time as the Mets team attempted to leave Wrigleyville on route to O’Hare International Airport for their flight back to New York.

Oscar Pistorius, the former South African Olympic runner who was convicted of killing his supermodel girlfriend, was released from prison after serving one year of a five-year sentence. Immediately after his release, a TV production company began shooting a reality show series on his house arrest that he will serve for the next three years.

Republican candidate Donald Trump has vowed to round up all the socialists in Hollywood and determine if they are patriotic Americans or enemies trying to destroy America from within. “If elected, I will get to the bottom of the Hollywood socialist agenda that threatens our very way of life,” said Trump.

In a stunning upset, hockey Hall of Famer Wayne Gretzky beat Canadian Prime Minister incumbent Stephen Harper in the national election with 54% to 46% of the vote.

Outspoken Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump released ten reasons why America should take over Canada by force of the American Army and Airforce. On his campaign website, Trump states:

In Game 1 of baseball’s National League Championship Series (NLCS), a majority of Hispanic players wore face warmers, an observation Republican candidate Donald Trump was quick to point out. Trump told ESPN Deportes Radio, “The Hispanic players look like wussies wearing those face warmers and playing America’s pastime.”

After 20 analysts at investment bank Goldman Sachs were caught cheating on an internal company test, the employees were fired and made an example of.

CEO Lloyd Blankfein told Bloomberg News, “We don’t care about the cheating but if you’re dumb enough to get caught, we don’t want you working for us and getting caught by the feds. The only purpose for the test is to see who gets caught.

In a stunning revelation, Mike Huckabee, a Republican presidential candidate and Evangelical Christian, told CBS News broadcaster, Steve Kroft, “I admit, I tease because I’m a bit gay for Bernie Sanders.

“I have feelings for a man and maybe that’s okay. Only the Lord can judge me. Heck, while I’m on it, you could say I’m a bit gay for Jesus too.”

China - The Chinese Communist Party has allocated $285 billion Yuan ($45 billion USD) to develop ‘Super Basketball Players’ in preparation for the 2038 Olympic basketball tournament. Their stated mission is to win every Gold Medal “for the rest of time.”

Los Angeles- A seven car pileup occurred during rush hour on Wednesday at the intersection of Cahuenga and Franklin in the Hollywood neighbourhood leaving three dead and five injured when two men of pop star’s Chris Brown’s entourage were racing on their ‘hoverboards’. The accident caused major traffic for several hours as workers cleaned up the tragic accident and left Hollywood commuters trying to reach the 101 freeway.

Chicago- At approximately 4:15 am, a White Sox fan scaled the Wrigley Field video board in right field with a ‘Batman like grapple hook.’ According to the Chicago Police Department, the thief stole the baseball launched by Cubs outfielder Kyle Schwarber in the 7th inning against the division rivals St. Louis Cardinals in Game 4 last Tuesday night. The home run ball was to remain on top of the scoreboard for the remainder of the playoffs.

Only two years after actress January Jones admitted to People Magazine that she ate her own placenta after giving birth, and nearly a decade after famed Scientologist Tom Cruise was rumored to have done the same, the infamous Church of Scientology may have finally opened up on the issue.

The placenta is an organ which lines the womb during pregnancy. When ejected from the womb as after birth, it’s said to contain a plethora of nourishing vitamins and minerals. Planned Parenthood representative Tiffany-Siobhan Washington notes, “An expansion of these clinics could provide vitamin and protein throughout inner-city communities.

In a narrow defeat, the Democratic Debate lost to a rerun of the reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians with a Nielsen TV Rating of 4.8 to 6.1. This is a far cry from the Republican Debate that garnered 22.2 million viewers a month ago.

A prominent network executive told Variety, “People weren’t interested in the Democrats line-up. I wasn’t surprised to see them lose to a reality show with the Kardashian clan. Baseball playoffs were on and the stunning realization that many people aged 18-34 don’t know what channel CNN is on, nor do many of them pay for cable. It will be hard for the Democrats to attract a TV audience for the cord-cutting generation.

For MLB All-Star and hitting coach for the Chicago Cubs Triple-A team Manny Rameriez says his best advice to hitters is to drink is special ‘Power Juice.’

“I used it my whole career and it worked great for me. It’s made with special ingredients from the Dominican,” Manny told CSNChicago. “It’s better than any hitting advice anyone can give. You drink it and hit home runs. Simple.”

In an attempt to generate more revenue in an innovative way, Wrigley Field in Chicago will offer a unique beer option. For $45 a fan can get beer tapped directly into their veins. For an extra $65 a fan can have a catheter installed so they never have to leave their seats during the game.

“It’s a good idea,” said one fan. “More places should have this beer option. It makes me feel like Barney from The Simpsons in that one episode.”

An accountant from St. Louis is under fire for paying $150,000 USD to shoot famous Republic of Congo elephant named Dennis. Joe Himmler, the 46-year-old and father of three, was on his yearly hunting trip to Africa when he hired a local jungle guide to show him the best hunting spots. Himmler then used a rocket launcher to shoot and instantly blow-up Dennis the elephant. Only the smoldering feet were left behind. The tusks were flown nearly 400 yards away from the explosion.

For many years, athletes in October have been wearing pink for Breast Cancer Awareness month, and this month has exciting news to announce with a pair of pink cleats saying, “We are one step closer to curing cancer.”

While football cleats can’t read or write, the pink color has miraculously given them magical powers to help solve complicated chemistry and biology problems. Harvard scientists are amazed at the pink football cleats dedication to cure one of human kind’s worst enemies, cancer of the breasts. “Unfortunately, the cleats only work in October,” said a doctor of breasts.

As President Barack Obama continues his fight for reasonable gun control policy, in the meantime, he is urging American youth to solve their problems with a ‘Fists Not Guns’ campaign. “Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned fistfight?” asked the President to the nation.

Obama told CNN, “It was an old idea we thought of when Rahm Emanuel was my Chief of Staff. As he deals with violence in Chicago as mayor, and I address gun violence across the country, it was time to act, and this was a message we can send to our youth without congress’s permission.

After the horrific news broke that American fighter jets had inadvertently bombed a Doctors Without Borders hospital in Afghanistan which left a dozen killed and dozens more injured, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told Fox News, “Obama should be bombing abortion doctors, not Iraq or wherever.

“We have plenty of evil to bomb at home, Mr. President.”

Amid allegations of employees betting on daily games using bulk data from customer lineups, both FanDuel and Draftkings will begin letting users bet on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) matches.

A representative for DraftKings told ESPN, “They have been letting people bet on boxing for decades.”