In a University of Iowa study, the average Donald Trump supporter wields a 1.8-inch cock. This is below the average Republican length of 2.3 inches.
The double-blind study measured penis size between Trump and Bernie Sanders supporters. The Vermont Senator clocked in at 3.8 inches, which is high for politics in general. Trump’s score of 1.8 inches is the lowest mark since Ronald Reagan supporters in 1981. Sanders was the highest score since Bill Clinton in 1993.
“There are several reasons for the Trump findings,” said Professor Dr. Phillip Wilson. “People with small penises tend to fear and hate more. For example, Bin Ladin supports had a microscopic penis size. Trump is the next closest thing because, in reality, their supporters are very similar.”
Insecurity issues tend to make men overcompensate. “Voting for Trump is like buying a Ferrari. It’s flashy, loud, and after you buy it, the repair costs are exorbitant and will deeply regret your decision,” said Wilson. “But for some people with small penises, it seems like a good idea at the time.”
The study did not measure Mr. Trump’s penis but, “As the old saying goes, the leader is not much off from the flock.”
With the findings of the study, Trump has promised that once in office, he will grow their penises to ‘porn star’ level lengths. “That will be a hard promise to keep,” said Wilson. “But I’ve heard politicians promise crazier things before. Rumor has it JFK promised the same thing. Maybe that explains why Lee Harvey Oswald was so angry at him.”
Trump woman supporters agree. “This is like Micheal Dukakis all over again,” said Gretchen Aldin. “Supporters of one candidate always has the smallest penises. That’s just democracy.”
The two-year study has been a fascinating tale of science and politics. Not surprisingly, only 8% of the 1,670 participants man groomed their private region. 68% of Sander supports did manscape with 5% completely shaven.
The study is ongoing with results of Hilary, Cruz, and Carson due out next week. Clinton’s bush study will be one for the ages.