“The only thing worse than a swamp is a fucking toxic swamp.” - Ben Franklin
The toxicity of the Washington DC area swamp is now 400% higher than 10 days ago, reports the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). And there is worry that the levels may increase exponentially over the next few months. An even bigger concern is that there won’t be money for the EPA to measure the toxic levels in the surrounding swamps after Republicans vowed to slash the agencies budget.
“Facts are overrated,” said Newt Gingrich. “The EPA loves to report facts and we don’t need no stinking facts.”
Other Republicans championed the former House Speaker’s comments. “Yeah, fuck facts” and “guts, not facts,” chanted Senate Republicans.
Local DC residents are worried about the toxicity levels. “We have always had the swamp,” said local lawyer Tom Thompson. “But I’ve never seen them this toxic. The EPA building already has a ‘For Rent’ on the window.”
