Former Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee may have ended his bid for the Democratic Presidential nomination, but he still has plans to lead a team to victory. Shortly after announcing his departure from the race, he announced his intentions to open a chain of Quiznos sandwich shops in Rhode Island.
“I may not be able to help our country rise from the ashes of a failing economy and war, but I think I have a pretty good grasp on how to work a toaster oven. I mean, had one in college!” Chafee said to reporters after finishing a post-resignation hoagie at one of the few remaining Quiznos restaurants.
When asked why Quiznos and not Subway, he remarked “Subway already has that Jared guy, maybe I can be that guy for Quiznos. Who wouldn’t buy a sandwich from this face?
“I know I can revitalize the Quiznos brand like I did with the Democratic Party. I’ll bring fresh ideas and fresh meats.”
This is not the first attempt that the former governor has made at becoming a company figurehead. Last month during his campaign, he offered his spokesperson services to Lincoln Motor Company in exchange for campaign donations but was turned away. When asked to comment, Chafee remarked, “They said they already had that guy from the Lincoln Lawyer movie, but his name isn’t even Lincoln, it’s Matthew. They aren’t going to sell many cars with that logic.”
-Bryan Christopher
