Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, has determined he is willing to be bullied by ISIS into abandoning American values.
“I’m totally ready to have ISIS bully me into changing our ways. The Statue of Liberty now means nothing. They won, I give in,” said Ryan. “They are the stronger force.”
ISIS, about 25,000 people strong, has managed to bring the Speaker of the House to his knees over an incident that happened several thousand miles away. Considering it is his first month on the job and first active policy, it doesn’t look like Ryan is very strong to give in so quickly to 240 years of American tradition.
Ryan asked, “Please let me know what else I can do to bend my will to Islam, I am at your command.”
Ryan can currently be found curled in a ball, crying in the basement of the Capitol building.